Avoiding the hooks in hookup Culture

This is a story that is likely familiar to any acquaintance who has spent any time at a party: it is a story about a hookup culture. It is also quite likely to be familiar to anyone who spends time in the online world, as it describes a new phenomenon that is taking off online. Online hookup culture is characterized by a new group of relationships that have arisen due to the increased freedom and availability of dating sites and chat rooms. In this new relationship format, people often meet for casual sex, but take it further and engage in more serious relationships with several partners. While this may sound like a bad thing on one hand, it is actually leading many people to develop a healthier attitude toward sex and to see casual sex as something positive and enjoyable.

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Over time, this type of relationship can cause a number of negative side effects to occur. First, the casual nature of the relationship brings about a lack of concern for what is really going on in a person’s personal life. People are not necessarily honest about their intentions when they first meet someone. They simply have an emotional connection that leads them to think that casual sex is a good way to connect with that other person and to let loose.

The result is that this casual dating culture can breed dishonesty and a lack of in the relationship. When you meet someone through a hookup culture and you begin to have sex, you aren’t necessarily communicating your desires for another person. For example, if you approach a girl and say, “I’ve got a great thing for you.” She might say, “Umm… okay?” However, in the hookup culture this does not mean anything. There isn’t a clear indication as to what she means.

In this case, her feelings may be genuine, but you have not communicated anything about what you are looking for. This leads to situations where one person is talking to several people simultaneously, all of which are potentially just hookup people. It may seem like extreme jealousy, but this happens often and with little resistance. The only defense is that everyone is in the same situation and none of them know what the other is really feeling.

When you’re in a relationship, you have a responsibility to yourself and to others to communicate your needs and desires. Communication starts with honesty – telling someone that you would like to have sex with them and then following through. It begins with you saying to someone else, “I would love to have sex with you.” Communication in this basic form is the most basic form of trust.

Unfortunately, it is easy to get caught up in the excitement of hookup culture. People often say, “That’s great! We should definitely hook up!” However, what this also means is that people are using this hookup culture to get into a long term relationship. Instead of long lasting relationships, these relationships often end in breakups and divorces. Therefore, it is important that the only way to really get into a long term relationship is to find another deeper relationship.

This deeper relationship will be based on friendship. This is true for all types of relationships – not just sexual relationships. Someone who has lost the ability to communicate about their needs or desires will be friends with that person because of their similar interests, values and goals. Therefore, when you hook up, you’re not only compromising your relationships with your current partner, you also are compromising your friendships with your new hookup.

If you choose to hook up, be sure you’re not doing so just because it’s fun. Be sure you’re doing it because you have feelings for that person and because it’s the right thing to do. By taking these three important steps, you can ensure that you are avoiding hookup culture. You will be better prepared to handle any potential problems that might arise because of it. And most importantly, you can start over with a clear conscience.

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10 comments

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